somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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