Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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