I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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