Taylor Swift is so right about you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
