Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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