I cockslap morals
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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