I think scott just propositioned me for sex
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
