sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
