Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
