i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
