plz talk dirty to me
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
