What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
