I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
