hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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