GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize