please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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