Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
