Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
