I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
