My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
