i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
