Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
