Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
