the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
