I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
