i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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