There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
