my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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