I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
