Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
