Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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