oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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