Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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