why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
