I didn't shave. On purpose
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
