So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
