It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
