I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
