I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
