I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
