Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
