all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
