JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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