A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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