my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
