i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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