If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
