alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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