mondays should just be called national damage control day
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize