Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he shaved USA in his pubs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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