"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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