I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
