I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
