I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize