She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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