Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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