let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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