Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
