im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
