smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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