In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
