He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
