I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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