apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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