just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
