Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
