worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
