when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
