Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
