I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
