You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
