Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize