When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
