thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
