Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
