were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
