mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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