Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
