I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
