The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
