so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
