Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
