we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
