Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sobbing to NWA
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
