Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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