Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
