Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
