Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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