Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
