I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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