OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
