Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
