Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
