Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
