the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
