Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
