Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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