walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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