I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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