it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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